


i would come back a thousand times

by lipvestheworld



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Feels, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Inspired by Music, Kinda, Lesbian Character, Loona - Freeform, This will be sad, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, chuuves - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 15:47:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17286929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipvestheworld/pseuds/lipvestheworld
Summary: A take on Jiwoo and Sooyoung's friendship throughout the years.





	i would come back a thousand times

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to a 1000 Times by Sara Bareilles and this story just popped in my head. It was something I've wrote in a hour and I'm kinda proud of myself, so I hope you enjoy!!  
> Again, this is FICTION. Also, english isn't my first language, so I'm really sorry if I've made any grammar mistake.
> 
> you can find me on twitter: @chuuuuwu :)

_Back of the room_  
_Looking at you_  
_Counting the steps_ _  
Between us_

 

Jiwoo met Sooyoung on a party. It was a party of their mutual colleague from school, so it was just a bunch of teenagers trying to seem cool and nonchalant about their needs to be seen and validated. She was fifteen and had just started to realize that she _might_ like girls, not boys. The realization itself was an avalanche of thoughts and feelings, especially _fear;_ she lived in a state of fear almost constantly, it was so exhausting.

 When Sooyoung looked at her standing in the corner of the living room, her heart skipped a beat. It was getting harder and harder to notice girls _like her_ and don’t stare, ignoring what her changing body desired.

 She stopped looking but the girl was definitely coming in her direction. _Shit_ , she thought. She was almost hyperventilating now and nothing even happened.

 The girl approached her and said hi, but she was panicking too much to function properly.

 She said again, “Hi.”

 “Hi—hi…” Jiwoo muttered and blushed instantly.

 “My name’s Sooyoung. Ha Sooyoung. I think we have a few classes together.”

  _She has a beautiful name,_ Jiwoo thought.

 “I’m Kim Jiwoo. It’s nice to meet you.”

 “Same.” She looked around to see if anyone would be hearing her and stepped closer to Jiwoo. “This party is kinda lame, huh?”

 Jiwoo just nodded. She was too close and her smell was devastatingly sweet. It made her feel dizzy.

 “Do you wanna get out of here?”

 It was that question that changed everything in Jiwoo’s life.

 

~

 

 _Eyes on the ground_  
_But I can't look up now_  
_Don't wanna give it away  
My secret_

They became best friends after that night. They survived high school together; Jiwoo almost always a shadow on Sooyoung’s popular life. She didn’t mind, to be honest. It was obvious she loved the girl… more than a best friend. But it was useless because that was never going to happen.

 Jiwoo thought she was a joke. The lesbian stereotype that bothered her so much in media’s representation of LGBTQ+ people was pretty much her entire life.

 In college, Jiwoo gathered up the courage to come out. She was really tired of Sooyoung parading boys to her, trying to make her interested in someone.

 “Actually, there’s something I want to tell you.”

 “What?”

 “I—I’m gay.” _And I’m in love with you since we’ve met_ , she added in her mind. Her eyes were on the ground and she was so afraid to look up and see Sooyoung change the way she looked at her. It happened a lot and she couldn’t really lose—

 Sooyoung’s arms suddenly held her. She was shaking from fear and willingly accepted the hug.

 “Oh my God, Jiwoo, why didn’t you tell me sooner? God, I’ve tried to hook you up with so much boys, I’m so dumb for assuming…” She started to babble and _damn it_ , Jiwoo wished she didn’t think she was so fucking adorable.

 “It’s okay. I’m glad you know now.”

 “Yes. I’m happy you trust in me this much.” She gave the smile Jiwoo loves so much. “Now I can introduce you to _girls_! I’m gonna be the best wingwoman ever, you’ll see!”

 Jiwoo nervously smiled at her and pretend her heart wasn’t aching so much while they were getting ready for class.

 

~

 _In another life, my teeth and tongue_ _  
_ _Would speak aloud what until now I've only sung_

 

Jiwoo wasn’t a prude. College is the time of your life for you to try everything — and she does. It’s easier being gay in college than school, of course. She didn’t get to experience first kisses or first dates when she was a teenager, but now she does. Sooyoung’s always interested in knowing if she’s dating and if she is, when can she meet the girl? She would have to approve. Best friend’s honors.

 There was a karaoke party at the end of their last semester, so of course they both go. Jiwoo was known for being a great singer around campus, having already played her guitar and sang on her dorm’s common room. Her friends expected her to sing, but she never had such a crowd, so she was a bit shy.

 She looked around for Sooyoung but she was late, as usual. Her friends started to cheer for her to go up the stage and she reluctantly agreed. When she got there, she saw Sooyoung come in with a guy she never saw before. She was being overly affectionate with him, something she doesn’t do in public.

 Jiwoo’s heart broke in a million little pieces. She didn’t quite knew _why again_ , though. She watched Sooyoung parade boys since they were teenagers and now they were young adults, ready to start living as independent women, away from the safeness of parents, school, college, out in the real world. Maybe it was that realization that broke her heart. Everything was going to change for real this time. Maybe it was time for her to let it go…

 The crowd started anxiously cheering and awaiting for her to start singing, so she chose one of her favorite songs: _Paper Hearts by Tori Kelly_.

 Her voice filled the room, she sang the song with an intensity she never felt herself; she kept her eyes on Sooyoung’s the entire song and didn’t care what she would think about that.

 

~

 _Cause I would die to make you mine_  
_Bleed me dry each and every time_  
_I don't mind, no I don't mind it_ _  
_ I would come back a thousand times

 

They were twenty five and didn’t get to be an active participant on each other’s lives as they would’ve liked it. Jiwoo was always busy, being one of the most talented journalists of a famous newspaper in the city. Sooyoung owned a small but famous boutique. But it was their friendship anniversary, so they’ve made an effort to reunite and catch up.

 Jiwoo entered the bar Sooyoung chose and ordered a cocktail. She was already used to Sooyoung being always late, so she seized the opportunity to look around and see if she finds anyone interesting.

 Sooyoung arrived and soon found Jiwoo, sitting alone on a table. She waved at her and approached Jiwoo. They hugged for a good few minutes, both realizing how much they’ve missed each other.

 “It’s been months, oh my god.” Sooyoung said, sitting on a chair in front of Jiwoo.

 “I know. We’ve been busy.” Jiwoo said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

 “I have news.”

 Jiwoo looked at her and Sooyoung lifted up her right hand, showing her a huge diamond ring. Her smile was big and bright, she looked really happy. Jiwoo smiled at her best friend and used all of her strength to be happy for her.

 “Will you be my maid of honor?”

 “Of course, Sooyoung. I would do anything for you.”

 “Great. Then you won’t be against having a sleepover on my apartment for old time’s sake, right?”

 Jiwoo smiles and just nods.

 

~

 

 _Kiss me goodnight_  
_Like a good friend might_  
_I'll do the same_ _  
But won't mean it_

Sooyoung prepared a huge tent on her living room. It was so beautiful.

 “I wanted to make it special, since we’ve known each other for a decade. Remember when we’ve made one like this when we were teenagers?”

 How could Jiwoo forget? The first night they slept near each other…

 “Earth to Jiwoo.” She snapped her fingers and Jiwoo concentrated on her again. “What do you think?”

 “It’s great, Sooyoungie, really. I’m glad I came today.”

 “Awww, me too, Jiwooming. Let’s go change to our pajamas and watch some Netflix while we drink my best wine.”

 “Okay.”

 They’ve watched some TV show that was special to them when they were teenagers, but Sooyoung was visibly tired and was always dozing off.

 “Come on, sleepyhead. Get ready to sleep.” Jiwoo said, turning off the TV.

 “‘Kay.” Sooyoung said, eyes heavy with sleep.

 She looked at Jiwoo with adoring eyes, kissed her cheek and said, “You’re my best friend in the world.”

 Jiwoo smiled at the sentiment. “You too, Soo.”

 

~  
  
  
_In another life, I wouldn’t need to_ _  
_ _Console myself as I resign to release you_

 

Sooyoung’s engagement was a long one. A lot of things happened for it to be that way. First, her mother died, so she was an orphan now. It was a rough time for her and Jiwoo felt her friend’s pain. She almost gave up on her wedding, but it was Jiwoo that insisted for her to not to do it. She knew her friend loved the man she was going to marry; giving up on everything for grief was something she knew Sooyoung was regret for her entire life.  
  
A few months later after her mother died, Sooyoung asked Jiwoo to walk down the aisle with her. She was her best friend and have been for the past 12 years, the only person she was sure was going to be in her life forever and Jiwoo had not choice but to say yes.  
  
The day before the wedding, Jiwoo went to a bar to wallow her feelings in alcohol. She was so drunk. She spent the whole night drinking. Before the bar was closing, the bartender, a cute brown-haired girl, asked her if she was alright.  
  
“I’m not.” Jiwoo honestly answered. “My best friend is getting married…”  
  
“Isn’t that something to be happy about?” The girl asked.  
  
“It is. I am. I swear I am.” Jiwoo put her head down on the counter and felt tears on her cheeks. “It’s just… I’ve loved her for a long time… and she’ll never know.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”  
  
“Yeah. Me too.”  
  
She left a little after that, having no idea how the hell she managed to get home in one piece.

 

~

 

 _Again, again I let it go, let it go_  
_Cover my mouth, don't let a single word slip out_  
_Wouldn't wanna tell you, no,  tell you, no_  
_Nothing could be worse than the risk of  
_ _Losing what I don't have now_

 

  
The big day finally arrived. They were on the bride’s resting room. Sooyoung  was extremely nervous and Jiwoo tried, without much success, to calm her. She was a little sad, too. She wanted both of her parents here with her and that was a blow she would never recover from, Jiwoo knew that.  
  
“Do you think this dress was really the right choice?” Sooyoung asked, turning around in front of the mirror, trying to look if she looked nice.  
  
Jiwoo thought she looked more than nice and that was a time where she dreamed of getting married with Sooyoung. She would always feel a little bittersweet about it. Her feelings changed, she was sure of that, but she was also sure that Sooyoung was the love of her life. And how sad it was that she didn’t get to be with her in the way she always wanted. But she was truly happy about her best friend; she deserved nothing more than happiness in her life. It was a overwhelming feeling and Jiwoo felt a little suffocated and held back tears.  
God, this was such a mess.  
  
The woman that planned Sooyoung’s wedding entered the room and told her it was time.  
  
“Oh my God.” Sooyoung sighed. “Can’t believe this is happening.”  
  
She stretched out her hand to Jiwoo for support. She held her hand tightly. Everything was going to change today…  
  
She got out of the room with Sooyoung, their arms intertwined. They walked down the aisle in a slow pace; everyone was looking at Sooyoung. Her beauty was breathtaking. They approached the groom and Sooyoung turned around to look at Jiwoo. They smiled at each other and Jiwoo planted a soft kiss on Sooyoung’s cheek. Her eyes were already tearing up.  
  
“I love you. Forever.” She said to Sooyoung and smiled then went to stand beside Sooyoung's bridesmaids.

~

 

  
  
Sooyoung was having the first dance with her husband and Jiwoo sat on a table, watching them. She enjoyed a glass of champagne while she remembered all their moments since they met.  
  
She felt someone touching her shoulders and looked behind, just to find the bartender from last night. She was wearing waitress’ clothes. Probably worked on the buffet. “What…?”  
  
“Hey. Thought you weren’t going to remember me.”  
  
“Unfortunately I’m not the kind of person that forgets what happens when they drink.”

“So… that was your best friend?”  
  
Jiwoo blushed. Oh God. “Yeah.” 

“Damn, I understand now why you’ve been hung up on her.” 

Jiwoo smiled nervously after hearing that statement. 

“If you don’t mind… I would like to take you out on a date.” 

“Oh.” 

Jiwoo looked at Sooyoung smiling while her husband waltzed with her and sighed. Maybe in another life, things would be different. But this isn’t another life and even though it hurt to love her for all these years, she’s still incredibly happy for the new life her best friend's starting. She would love Sooyoung forever, just like she said to her earlier, but in a different way now. 

“Okay. But I think we at least have to exchange our names first, right?” She got up the table and extended her hand for the other girl to shake. “I’m Jiwoo.” 

“I’m Jungeun.” 

They both smiled at each other and Jiwoo felt great about the new opportunities she had in her future.

 

**THE END**

 


End file.
